Two nights in Cheltenham. The house and the van are paid for, and both big calls are made: Saturday is the village drive, Sunday comes home through Castle Combe. What is left is the detail.
Both big questions came back the same way, so they are closed. Saturday is the village drive, Sunday comes home through Castle Combe. That leaves one stop nobody agrees on, and it is the one that decides what time we eat.
Bourton, Bibury, Stow, Daylesford and Diddly Squat, then back to Cheltenham for dinner. No tickets, no gate times, about 90 miles by the time we are home.
Moreton Show is out, so nobody needs to buy a £31.25 ticket.
South on the A46, an hour and a half in the village, then a straight run east on the M4. Roughly an extra hour of driving across the day and about £1 each in fuel.
The Dover's Hill and Slaughters split is out, which also settles the hike question.
It is the last stop on the loop and 40 miles from the house, so it is the one that sets our dinner time. One of us has already said they are not fussed, so it is worth an actual count rather than a shrug in the van.
Nothing picked yet.
Nobody yet. First vote sets the tone.
Changed your mind, or voted by accident? Tap your answer again to unpick it, then press the button. With nothing selected it removes your ballot completely, as though you never voted. Same name, same result, so nobody ends up counted twice.
The two decisions pair well. The old Sunday walk went to the Slaughters, a mile from Bourton, which would have put us in the same few square miles two days running. Castle Combe is 45 miles south and the one corner of the Cotswolds none of us has seen, so the weekend covers more ground this way.
Deadline that matters: Saturday dinner in Cheltenham. Nine people on a September Saturday will not walk in anywhere good, and the Diddly Squat answer changes what time we book for.
Cheltenham Town House
Clare Street, Cheltenham GL53 7NN
Renault Trafic, 9 seats
Hertz, Stansted Airport, Coopers End Road CM24 1SJ
Renault Trafic or similar, 9 seats
Green Motion, Novotel Stansted, Round Coppice Road CM24 1SF
Two dinners and a Sunday lunch
Cheltenham on Friday and Saturday, Castle Combe on Sunday.
Hertz is paid, on-airport and the plan. We keep Green Motion until Rayson has the Hertz keys in his hand, then cancel it in writing that evening. They do not accept cancellation by phone, only by email or through the website account.
Two things make it a poor first choice rather than a bargain, despite being £112 cheaper. It is off-airport, so falling back to it means the Bay 18 shuttle both ways and a fresh set of counter paperwork, which puts Beaconsfield nearer 19:45 than 18:50. And the voucher never says which package it is: a pay-at-the-desk rate with plain collision cover is their basic tier, and a nine-seater sits in their minibus band, where the excess and the card pre-authorisation are both £2,500 and the hold can take 30 days to clear.
Rayson's own card covers that excess, up to $75,000, because the card scheme only excludes passenger vans seating more than twelve and a nine-seater is inside the limit. That makes the £112 saving real, on one condition: he declines every excess product at the desk. Accepting theirs cancels the card benefit outright and its cost is not reimbursable, so it is one or the other, and theirs is the one that costs £120 to £180. What the card cannot touch is the hold itself, so £2,500 still has to sit available on that card for up to 30 days.
If we do end up in that van, their return inspection is strict. There is no allowance for fair wear, a 40mm scratch or a 1mm chip in the glass is chargeable, tyres and glass sit outside the excess cover, and dog hair on its own starts at £150. Photograph every panel and the wheels at pickup while it is still light, and get any mark written onto the rental agreement before he drives off, which the card benefit requires as well. Three things fall through both rulebooks: lost keys, anything that can be called wear and tear rather than impact, and off-road driving, which is worth remembering if a stop puts us on a grass overflow car park.
Every one of these looks the same in a search result: honey-coloured stone, a brook, a tea room. They are not the same to visit. What follows is what each one is genuinely good for, and what will annoy us, so nobody arrives expecting the postcard and finds a coach park.
Called the Venice of the Cotswolds, which tells you what is good about it and what is wrong with it in the same breath.
GoodFive low stone bridges over the Windrush running right through the middle, shallow enough for the dog. An hour covers it and it is all on one street.
BadRoughly 300,000 visitors a year against 4,000 residents. Parking charges now run to 20:00, and a coach-parking trial started after residents said the village had been choked by traffic.
Getting there before 10:00 is the whole plan. BBC News on the coach trial, Cotswold District Council on the parking levy.
The most photographed row of cottages in England, and a village that is visibly tired of it.
GoodArlington Row is a genuine 17th-century weavers' terrace and it does look like that in real life. Ten minutes of walking, one very good photograph.
BadThe hardest place all weekend to put a nine-seater. The county council has run a public consultation on coach restrictions here after road-safety complaints, so expect it to be busy and tight.
Drop the group and circle. Gloucestershire County Council engagement report.
The practical one. A working market town rather than an exhibit, which is exactly why lunch happens here.
GoodThe only stop on the loop with parking a van can use. Antiques around Market Square and along Sheep Street, real pubs, and the yew-tree north door at St Edward's two minutes away.
BadThat door is sold everywhere as the inspiration for the gates of Moria. There is no evidence for it. Tolkien did visit the Cotswolds, and that is as far as the record goes.
Still a good photo, just not a pilgrimage. Stow and District Civic Society.
A farm shop the size of a supermarket, run like a luxury brand. Worth seeing once even if you buy nothing.
GoodThe food side earns it, and the restaurant, The Trough, holds a Michelin Green Star. Proper car park, clean toilets, and by this point in the day that counts.
BadExpensive, and reviewers are consistent about which part: the farm shop is good value for what it is, the homeware and clothing are not.
Half an hour is enough. Tripadvisor reviews.
You already know whether you want to go. The photograph above is not a bad day, it is a normal one.
GoodOpen Tuesday to Sunday, 09:30 to 16:30, so our Saturday works. Food until 15:00, bar until 16:30, and the view off the back is the real thing.
BadQueues run to two hours at peak. The overflow car park turns to mud in the wet and they advise four-wheel drive only. Prices draw steady complaints.
40 miles from the house, so it sets our dinner time. The shop's own FAQ.
The one corner of the Cotswolds none of us has seen, and the only stop that is worth its own detour.
GoodA single street of weavers' cottages, a market cross, a church with a faceless clock and a brook at the bottom. No shopfronts, no signage, no aerials. It earns the reputation.
BadNo parking in the village at all. Wiltshire run number-plate cameras and a recovery truck from 07:00 to 19:00, and a towed vehicle costs £150 to release on top of the fine.
Dunns Lane car park off the B4039, ten minutes' walk in. Wiltshire Council.
Bourton without the crowd or the fudge shops. It was the Sunday walk before Castle Combe won, and it survives as a detour.
GoodA mill, a millpond and the River Eye, and almost nothing to buy, which is the point. The flat mile up to Upper Slaughter is the best dog walk within reach of the loop.
BadResidential, with real parking restrictions and no facilities. It only works if we park in Bourton or Upper Slaughter and walk in.
Worth doing if Bourton disappoints and we are ahead of the clock.
Not a village, and that is deliberate. It is the only base within reach that can feed nine people at 21:00 on a Friday.
GoodRegency terraces, and Montpellier and Bath Road are five to ten minutes on foot from the house. Restaurants that can actually seat a table of nine, and parking free from 18:00.
BadIf you came for honey-stone cottages, they are all 30 to 40 minutes away. Everything on this page except dinner involves getting in the van.
The trade we made on purpose when we booked the house.
Photographs from Wikimedia Commons. Bourton, Castle Combe and Lower Slaughter by Saffron Blaze (CC BY-SA 3.0); Bibury by Diliff (CC BY 3.0); Stow by Bill Boaden and Daylesford by Oast House Archive (CC BY-SA 2.0); Diddly Squat by Scglossop1 and Cheltenham by Edward (CC BY-SA 4.0).
South into the Wiltshire end of the Cotswolds, an hour and a half in Castle Combe, then a straight motorway run east. About 160 miles and three and a half hours moving, so roughly the extra hour the group flagged, for around £10 more fuel across the whole van.
Bags in the van before we go. Nothing comes back to the house.
Fast road most of the way and the leg that makes the day long. One stop for coffee at the Cross Hands if anyone needs it.
One street of weavers' cottages, a market cross, a church with a faceless clock and a brook at the bottom. Park at the Dunns Lane visitor car park off the B4039 and walk the ten minutes down. There is no parking in the village itself, it is single-track with nowhere to turn a nine-seater, and Wiltshire now run number-plate cameras and a recovery truck from 07:00 to 19:00.
A whole National Trust village with the abbey attached, and a car park built for coaches. Not part of the plan, so it happens only if we leave Castle Combe by 14:00.
The van decides where we stop, not the map. Castle Combe is single-track and towing is real there, so we park outside and walk in. Bourton, Stow, Daylesford and the Dunns Lane car park all take a nine-seater without drama. Bibury is the one place on the whole weekend where the answer is to drop everyone and circle.
There is no space at the house and Clare Street is tight enough that a recent guest struggled to turn round and unload. The host recommends a car park a minute's walk away: cheap, free between 18:00 and 08:00, and free all day Sunday. Given we arrive Friday evening, spend Saturday out and leave Sunday morning, we will barely pay for it.
Out on the road, parking the Trafic is the real constraint rather than distance. Broadway, Chipping Campden, Stow, Moreton, Burford and Lacock all have proper car parks. Bibury has a lay-by that fills by nine, Lower Slaughter is residential with serious restrictions, and Castle Combe village is single-track, so we park above it and walk down.
Welcome at the house, which has a secure garden. Welcome at the show too, on a short fixed lead, but kept out of the livestock areas and some of the marquees, and never left in the van. There is a companion dog show and terrier racing on site, so the show is a proper dog day rather than a grudging tolerance.
A village Saturday is easier on the dog and harder on the day: more time in the van between stops, and lunch has to be somewhere with outside tables. Best walk of the weekend either way is Bourton up the river path to Lower Slaughter, about a mile and a half each way, flat the whole way, and it solves the parking problem at the same time.
One thing still unverified. The Trafic stands about two metres tall and UK town car parks often barrier at 1.9 or 2.0. Worth confirming which car park and what the clearance is before Friday, because finding out at 20:00 on arrival is the worst possible time.
Dropping the show took £31.25 a head off the weekend, which was the only line either vote actually moved. Nothing left below is in question except how far the van goes.
| Item | Total | Each | Status |
|---|---|---|---|
| House, two nights | £360.00 | £40.00 | Charges 26 Aug |
| Van, Fri to Mon | £450.00 | £50.00 | Paid |
| Show tickets, advance | £281.25 | £31.25 | Dropped, Saturday is the loop |
| Fuel, 380 to 420 miles | £75 to £85 | £8.30 to £9.40 | Estimate, includes Castle Combe |
| Train, Marylebone to Beaconsfield | £100.00 | £12.50 | Only if we meet the van there |
| Per head, as planned | — | £98 to £111 | Plus food and drink |
Eight to a table is the hard cap, so nine of us cannot sit together even if there were room, and September is fully booked anyway. Splitting the group across two tables on the one night we are all out is not worth the drive.
A proper county show and the reason the weekend landed on this date, but the group went for the villages. It takes £31.25 a head and the whole of Saturday off the table, along with the meeting-point problem that 25,000 people create.
The Sunday walk split lost to Castle Combe, which also answers the hike question nobody needed to fill in. It was always awkward with one van: two groups in two places meant about fifty minutes of ferrying for whoever drove.
Genuinely world class and genuinely a whole day, at around £40 a head and four hours inside. It would have to replace Castle Combe rather than get added to the Sunday, and nobody has proposed that.
The best view in the region and it sits right on the A44, twenty minutes off the top of the Saturday loop. It loses because the loop already has five stops and the day ends 40 miles from dinner.